frustrated.
yeahh. ever since my 2nd sem starts, i never blogged alr until today. i am in the midst of exam periods. 2 more papers to go and i'm done for this sem. but these days, i am feeling somehow moody and frustrated. i even cried for many times, maybe too stressed upp. i deserved it for always slacking and doing last minute mugging. last sem was worst. i never really bothered to study, ended up with a very poor GPA. however, i acted no different from last sem too. i still slacked to the last minute before i started to mugg.
i dont know is it because i am somehow coopedd at home for the past few days. so i'm feeling quite restless and pissed off easily. i just dont feel happy and i'm really tired of all the mugging. and ya, maybe i am quite frustrated that i have to go to the bank with my mum to draw money out for my dad when i'll be having a paper on tues and i want to studyy. i dont mind lending my dad the money since all the while is his moneyy tt i saved upp. it'll be quite heart pain for me since i saved it since young, without eating muchh and restrain myself from buying things tt i like. however, i think he's using it for some investment which i'm quite doubtful it. somehow i feel tt he's playing investment abit too muchh. he actually took money from many of us, esp my aunt. he took quite a lump sum of money from her. intially he asked me if i want but i always dont like to do this kind of risk, so i rejected it. he said all my sisters and my aunt also got invest but i really just don want. he said i dont regret, but i never regretted because i just dont want to risk. and now, he took money from me. i cant help it but to think tt, did he lose money? so now he's trying to recover back his losses by doing it more? i really hope that what i'm thinking is not true. i dont want our lives to go back how we used to struggle during the bad crisis he was having in the past. it was so miserable and frustrating that we had to save every little bit just in order to pass a day. tt period was really the worse of my life. i never felt so terrible tt buying sth or eating a meal i had to worry so muchh. i even desperately wanted to find a gd job to work.
my dad does not have the habit of saving money for rainy days. he always like to spend what he have, just like buying so many cars and i dont even know what's his thinking of doing that. just waste money since only 2 of us are driving now. it's very straining on him since the expenses will be so high. and he always spent so muchh money. yes, i wont deny i spent alot of money on clothes. but the thing is, did he ever think tt how much i spent on a piece of clothes will not be as expensive as how much he'll be paying every month for all the car season parkings and petrol?? is not like we'll be driving those cars out every single day. actually 2 cars are more than enough. i can share with vivien. just imagine if he sold away 2 cars, the expenses will be so much reduced, at least half of our whole expenses.
and he took my sis n my money which we saved upp. if sth were to crop up, we wont have any remaining money to get us through. then the whole vicious cycle we experienced will come back again. i really dread those days i had and i dont want to go through all over againn.
sighs yeahh, i'm such a unfilial daughter right, to even have this kind of thinking. i'm a very practical and materialistic person, i wont deny that. but it was because of the past incidents i experienced that cultivates me this way. i just want to take precaution in everything. i just like to save up and i dont want to spend everything like what he does. is a very big risk.
he must know, that his business has ups and downs. he should always take note of it and be too carefree.
sighs, that's all i want to say for now. i'm tiredd. i realised tt i think alot today. my studies, my dad and jeffy.. really very tiredd to think alr. and i have papers on tues and thurs. aww.
sorry for all the rant till now. anyway nobody will see too since my blog've been so dead for so longg. so nobody will think tt i'll blogg again. tt's good too.