okay, i am quite bored at the moment and realise that i never blogged for quite sometimes. so i decide to do one now.
no driving today... watching some anime shows and now this.
so is just rotting.

hmm, actually there's something quite disturbing though.
i had a dream last night and to me, it was scary.
it was quite real life and i really thought it happened.
and weird that i would have this dream suddenly now.
i thought, isnt it should appear straight after my exam?
but why it happens now instead?
it's like... so random.

but it does freak me out though.
hmm i can remember it but some part of the scenes i have forgotten.
maybe those parts are not so significant.

okay here it goes...
it was in my school hall i think?
or just some places in my school.
like the normal procedure, the school would announce who were the ones who did well and the most improved students etc... and on and on.
the ambience was really tense.
then after that, it was our turn.

all of us were queueing up to take back our A results.
and i was really scared and trembling, sort of at the brink of tears.
at that moment, i could feel that i did know i would do badly for my exams.
so i did not want to take back my results.

and of course... my "dream" came true.
my civic tutor looked at me and shook her head slightly, and said.
eileen... you didnt do very well.
i saw my rank points- 47 POINTS!!
and my grades.... A E F!!!!
(weird since we didnt have F in the A level curriculum.
but F does not sound nice right.)
i was in a bad shock and ran to a corner.
sitting there looking at my results.
i just looked stunned, without any words.
after that, i saw yan.

then i ran towards her crying in tears and at the same time hugging her. (okay, it was a dream!)
of course, she consoled me and said comforting words to me.
she said she didnt do well too.
so i asked her while crying (of course she couldnt just console me when she herself was sad right?) what was her grades.

she said she got B B A.
HUH??? was what i said. and i told her she did well etc.
then the more i freaked out in my heart because it seems like i was the only who did real bad.
i asked her how bout ai ling and of course like always, she did well.
and we talked somemore but during the talking, my mind wasnt really concentrating.

and i cried even harder...
because i suddenly felt so lonely and empty.
without anywhere to go since no university or places to accept me.
and suddenly the thought of going overseas appeared on my mind.
that's when i woke up from my dream abruptly.

it was so vivid in my mind during that instant.
so real that it seemed to be true.
and now, typing this at the same time.
i am scared and depressed though...
is this a premonition or deja vu?

and during these past weeks.. i really never think about my results.
maybe because i am trying to run away from thinking about it.
but this dream, just brought me all the memories again about my As.

is true, there's no use dwelling on it when everything's over.
only if my brain is willing to accept that fact.
and maybe because i am too un-bothered with this.
so god feel that i should at least realise and think about it.

i did not plan what i am supposed to do if i really ended up didnt do well.
SIM? NOPE.
poly? even NOPE.
alternatives? NONE.
i have no routes to go!!!
although my dad did mention that he would send me to austrialia if i have to...
it sounds tempting to me but i afraid that i am not able to cope alone over there.

and the expense will be real huge. it'll be a heavy burden on him.
AHHH. i really dont know.
and i dont want to think about it. *running away again*
okay okay, i should think but..
I DONT WANT!!!!

just get me out of this!!!

*depressed* -.-||| ......

went to clarke quay with my sis on friday!
although just the 2 of us, we did enjoy ourselves abit.
haha.
got to have a complimentary drink too =D
but drank quite abit though.
hope we can have fun soon again!